so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
