cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
