ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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