I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
