Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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