I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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