I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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