Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
