I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
