Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
