Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You are the jesus of drinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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