saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
