We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
