I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
