and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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