i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
