I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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