Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
