She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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