low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
