Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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