I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
