My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
