those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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