you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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