I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
