I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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