so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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