why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
