so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
