What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
