So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
