What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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