Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
