Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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