Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
