Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
