my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
