it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
