So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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