What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
