The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
