I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
