dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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