I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
