let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
