Sry I called you an 8
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
