i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
