I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
