I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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