i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
