We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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